February 2012
7 posts
“Mandy enjoyed watching hockey, eating over 3,000 calories a day, and staying...”
– what my obituary will say, probably
if you guys knew
how many times I cut my legs while shaving tonight, I think your opinion of me would change.
Anonymous asked: PLEASE POST MORE OFTEN, YOU BEAUTIFUL TROPICAL FISH
Anonymous asked: What are your thoughts about Valentine's day?
Jean-Ralphio is the Amazing Spiderman
rejectedjokes:
The wonderful people at CollegeHumor edited this together at breakneck speed after so many people tweeted/posted about Jean-Ralphio kinda looking like the Amazing Spiderman. To those editors (especially Sam Jacobson, I know it was you, you sly dog) I say kudos and thank you. To everyone else I say enjoy the trailer now as it will inevitably be taken down for breaking 1000...
“These days man knows the price of everything but the value of nothing.”
– Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray (via bookmania)
January 2012
16 posts
1 tag
I read this thing online about how Kim Kardashian gets paid like $10,000 to endorse products on her Twitter and everyone in the comments section was really pissed about it, like it was Kim Kardashian’s fault that companies are willing to pay her $10,000 for a single Tweet. Not to jump to Kim Kardashian’s defense, but jesus christ, if someone offered me $20 to Tweet about anything I...
Nothing in the world makes my heart race like realizing I sent a text message to the wrong person.
dumb babies, class projects, etc.
I have to do a debate in AP Environmental in favor of nuclear power, which would be fine except I know the other team is going to bring out pictures of babies with like, radiation poisoning or whatever. And how do you respond to that? Jesus christ. They’re babies! Everyone’s going to hate nuclear power no matter what I say and I’m going to get a bad grade!
My only defense is...
“Firefly fans will see me, do a double take, stop, nod and say ‘Captain’ with an...”
– Nathan Fillion, Entertainment Weekly (via going-to-scranton)
Watch
Guys I'm so sorry. But you will not regret... →
Yo, OB Tampons knows how to handle their PR. (Like, if I had to choose what to stick up my vagina purely based on PR, it’d be OB for sure.)
“You should know I disagree with a lot of traditional advice, For instance, they...”
– Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (And Other Concerns)
(via in-backyards)
2 tags
December 2011
10 posts
“That’s what optimistic means, you know. It means stupid. An optimist is somebody...”
– Louis C.K. (via winnr)
flash mobs
When I used to see videos on the internet of flash mobs and I’d see the people around them watching stone-faced, I would be like, “WHAT! A flash mob is basically the funniest, coolest thing to ever happen in the world, ever! How can you not laugh at a flash mob!”
But after watching that god awful Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake movie (which included like, three flash mobs. I...
November 2011
42 posts
oh my god I just spelled “physical” as “psychical” and had to look at it for like five minutes thinking, “This doesn’t feel right…but spell check isn’t marking it so I guess I’m just losing my mind?”
FYI, I am losing my mind.
Anonymous asked: What's your favorite font?
Louis CK Returning to 'Parks and Rec' | TV Line →
popculturebrain:
YES.
every time there's a long break from school
I have a mini panic attack about going back, because I feel like I’ve forgotten how to do everything, like homework and opening my locker and talking to people. Like I have to figure out how to be a human being again.
Ugh the worst.
mykicks:
You know when you’re watching Kourtney and Kim Take New York with people and there always has to be that ONE guy who gets real self-righteous and says stuff like “This is stupid,” “why are we watching these people?” “Who cares?!?!” “Give me a break!” “I can’t believe these people are famous,” “nobody cares about the real problems in the world because they’re watching shows like this”...
2 tags
i bet the guy who played Glen Coco in Mean Girls
just sits around on his computer all day scrolling through gifs and memes of himself like, “Yeah, that’s right. I didn’t even have to do anything in that movie. I was basically an extra. I’m probably the most famous extra alive.”
In a way it must be sort of nice, but it’s also like, really sad. Because that was that guy’s moment. Receiving four candy...
this is really weird
but every time there’s a bug/amphibian in my vicinity, my first urge is to say, “Neither can live while the other survives.” Just out loud. To myself.
there was a frog in my bathroom
Nothing will ever be the same.
1 tag
If I'm ever famous
I want to endorse 0.5mm lead pencils. Because writing with a 0.5mm lead pencil is probably the closest thing we have to heaven on earth.
“The Internet also makes it extraordinarily difficult for me to focus. One small...”
– Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)
“I hate when people have to constantly be DOING things. Like, calm the fuck down...”
– I vented hardcore to Andie tonight.